16-year-old finds out she is barred from "big brother" uncle's child-free wedding, he and fiance stop attending family events to avoid backlash from decision: 'If they waited one more year, [I'd] be able to go'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 20, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Finding out that you've not actually been invited to something you assumed you were a shoe-in for can be incredibly disappointing. Well, sometimes it can be a massive relief, especially if you're something of an introvert. Still, most of the time, even if you had no intention of actually going to an event, it's a massive blow to the ego to realize you weren't even wanted in the first place. 

One 16-year-old girl was actually really looking forward to her uncle's wedding. Uncle only on paper, by the way; he was more like a big brother to her due to their relatively small age difference and upbringing. She'd even developed a sister-like bond with his fiancée after years of sharing sleepovers and hand-me-downs. When the couple finally got engaged, she baked them a cake from scratch to congratulate them. However, her excitement was cut short when she found out that their wedding was going to be child-free and that she was still on the "kid" list. 

I still remember exactly what it was like being a teenager hovering right on the edge of adulthood; I felt grown and mature, but no one really took me seriously yet. Adolescence is a funky liminal time where you're old enough to understand what's going on, but not old enough to actually participate. And when you find yourself being excluded by the people you love the most, it can sting extra hard. 

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  • 01

    16F not invited to "Kid- free" wedding...

    Bride and groom walking down aisle at a lakeside wedding venue
    via avanti_photo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 


     

  • 02
    My mom is the oldest of 4 brothers, the youngest one is getting married this year. For context, this uncle and I are relatively close in age (he was
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367
  • 03
    about 12/13 when I was born) and we were basically raised as siblings. Now we are obviously not as close because I am 16 and he is 30, but still very close. I am
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  • 04
    Older brother and little sister lay on carpet and pose for a Christmas picture
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 05
    the oldest niece/nephew in both my family and my soon-to-be- aunt's family by far. His fiancée and I are almost as close; we have had sleepovers, she gives
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  • 06
    me her hand-me-downs, and she is also young so she is kind of a big sister to me at this point. I was at all of my uncles' weddings (save one because I was not
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  • 07
    born) and was even in one of them. And I was so excited to hear my uncle and his girlfriend/ fiancee were getting married
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  • 08
    because 1. They had been dating since high school (about 10 years) and this was a long time coming. She had been around
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  • 09
    forever and we have gotten pretty close as well 2. This is the first wedding that I am not in
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  • 10
    elementary school for, so I was extremely happy to know I would remember this one forever. 3.1
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  • 11
    was very excited because I kind of thought I would maybe be in the wedding! 4. It is 6 days before my 17th birthday.
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  • 12
    So for their surprise engagement party I baked and decorated a cake entirely from scratch for them because I was SO excited.
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  • 13
    Well, come to find out I'm not in the wedding. Which is ok, it was kind of silly for me to assume, but I was ok with that! I was so
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367
  • 14
    excited to just go and have fun at the wedding for my 2 favorite people, and RIGHT before my birthday too. Like a present! Well, until I found out I wasn't actually
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  • 15
    going to the wedding. They decided it would be "no kids allowed"... mind you this is happening 6 days prior to my 17TH birthday... am I wrong to believe that 17 is a little bit of a
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  • 16
    understand if you want to not have little kids running around and possibly causing problems/ not eating food and whatnot. But 17? This is basically my brother
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  • 17
    getting married this year and I can't come? This is the guy who was most likely going to walk me down the aisle at my own wedding one day (my dad passed away 2 years ago) and
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  • 18
    now I can't even attend his wedding. If they waited one more year for this wedding (because it's already been 10 years at this point) then I would be 18 and supposedly able to go.
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367
  • 19
    Sad teenage girl by window
    via Syda Productions

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 


     

  • 20
    I feel too uncomfortable to have a conversation with either of them because my mom told me it is ultimately her (the bride's) decision and they were not going to just make an exception. I also
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367
  • 21
    can't ever get either of them alone because they stopped showing up to family dinners (likely to avoid many many questions about the wedding, being busy with work, and whatnot)
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  • 22
    I can't even describe how disappointed and upset I am, but is this justified? I see posts on here about "kidless weddings should not be criticized etc etc" but I feel like this is not the same. Guidance?
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367
  • 23
    Mother comforts upset daughter
    via AntonioGuillem from Getty Images Pro

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 24
    Edit: Honestly this has been very cathartic to get off my chest... I appreciate the amount of response I've gotten and how quickly it came! I was very very hurt when I wrote this and now I feel a bit more level headed :). I'm
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  • 25
    going to have a convo with my mom about maybe asking my uncle why exactly it is kid free and am totally prepared to live with the answer. This hurts, but I'm going to figure out a way we can still celebrate together!
    via u/Effective-Ask-2367

  • It's really sweet how our narrator came out of this with a positive outlook; it can be really scary to communicate and potentially be disappointed, but knowing the reason behind their decision will help her come to terms with it. 

  • 26
    Velma88 I would speak up. He needs to know the decision he is making will forever change your relationship. Then he can truly know the family repercussions.
    via u/Velma88
  • 27
    whineANDcheese_ Agree. This is one situation where it's completely reasonable to ask. If they stand firm on their decision, fine. But I'd at least ask for an explanation.
    via u/whineANDcheese_
  • 28
    No_Reflection_8370 Ughhhh as much as I respect peoples' wishes on their wedding (we had a no kids wedding), given the relationship and the fact that you're 17 this actually seems cruel. I'm really sorry they did this.
    via u/No_Reflection_8370
  • 29
    ricci_aspiccia The thing is that probably if they invite you they'll need to invitie every cousin, that's how it works usually
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  • 30
    Blankenhoff I dont think they think you are a kid. I think its becsuse you are too young to drink and they want it to be an adult party. Many "child free" weddings are actually just an over 21 thing. You can ask them about it, though, if you want, worst case you are just still not invited
    via u/Blankenhoff
  • 31
    the_orig_princess I imagine there are other teenagers adjacent (like cousins etc) and they don't want to deal with any arguments.
    via u/the_orig_princess
  • 32
    "But 12 isn't that different from 16! And if 12 is ok then the 9yo is fine too! The 7YO would of course just hang with the 9yo, and then the 5yo is basically the same age so it all should be fine!!!"
    via u/the_orig_princess

  • You have to draw the line somehwere, unfortunately. Otherwise, people will try to bring in their kids as well. 

  • 33
    heycoolusernamebro I understand how being 16, almost 17 seems like you're nearly an adult. And it does sound like you have a close relationship with this uncle and his fiance. But weddings have numerous constraints (cost, venue rules,
    via u/heycoolusernamebro
  • 34
    obligation to invite other under 21s in the family, etc), and you should not take this so personally. It's reasonable to feel upset but I think part of it is that you built this wedding up as a 17th birthday gift and it's simply not about you.
    via u/heycoolusernamebro

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relationship advice family drama wedding party wedding drama teenagers siblings relationships raising teens wedding uncle entitled family Reddit
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